Misun
I was surrounded by darkness until everything seemed to become clearer and more focused. The place was so familiar to me. I looked around and quickly realized I was in the school gardens.
It was quiet here but I could still hear the loud shouting and laughter echoing from everywhere else. It contrasted to peacefulness of this place. My eyes fell on a young, teenage girl who was sitting on the bench, reading a book about criminology. I approached her quietly and gasped as I realized that was me when I was fifteen years old.
‘Hey? Hey, can you hear me?’ I called out but she didn’t look up. She didn’t even react at all, almost as if I was invisible. Maybe I was. ‘Hey Misun?’ I called again, but still there was no response from my younger self.
I sighed as I sat down next to her. I peered over to the book she was reading. It was about crimes of passion that had happened all over America. I smiled, as I remember how I always wanted to be a cop from a young age so I always took interest in this stuff.
Eomma and Appa did not mind. In fact, we often played mystery games together and watch cop shows every Saturday night. They always said they would be proud of me no matter what I chose to be. I remembered how this was the last gift my parents gave me before they passed away.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Katerina with a few of her girls. My younger version looked up, a little shaken up, already guessing what was coming next.
‘Look who we have here,’ Katerina said mockingly as she clapped her hands.
‘What are you reading over there nerd?’ Eunha said as she grabbed the book. The group peered in as they showed disgusted faces. I rolled my eyes at them, even though they could not see me.
‘Hey give that back!’ my younger self yelled as she stood up. There was that defiant fire in her eyes but she seemed to forget she was surrounded. I sighed, knowing what was coming next.
‘Yah! How dare you shout at us!’ one of them said as she pushed my younger self down to the ground. The other one flipped through the book with a disgusted face.
‘Wow so you aren’t just an orphan but you’re also a freak!’ she said.
‘Is that really a surprise though? I mean look at her – she’s so pathetic,’ Katerina said. ‘I mean, even her parents had enough of her and left her and her grandparents hate her existence,’ Katerina said laughing.
‘Stop it Katerina. At least my parents loved me until they could, your father gives you everything but is barely in your life,’ my younger version retorted back.
Katerina’s eyes went wild as she suddenly kicked my younger self. I watched as the beat up took place as Katerina kicked and punched at my body until they had enough and pulled back.
I watched as Katerina took the book and smirked before she started tearing it page by page. ‘No—no, ple—please,’ my younger self begged but it was all for nothing.
I woke up, my eyes shooting open. I realized I was breathing faster and shallower than usual so I tried to calm myself down. Yet, I could not help the tears that were rolling down my cheeks as I recalled that particular memory – one of the many bad ones.
I looked around and realized I’m at the hospital. If the smell wasn’t any indication, the room definitely was. Everything looked so white and clean, even though it was dark. I looked at the alarm clock that was on the night stand – it marked four in the morning.
I sighed as I went to move but realized that there were feet up on the bed. I followed the body and soon understood that Jungkook had slept there.
I felt overwhelmed – like a rush of emotions just filling me up. I whimpered, unable to help myself as I suddenly didn’t want to be alone.
‘Ju—Jungkook?’ I called out as I reached over to him. I shook him slightly as I called his name again, ‘Jungkook?’
He sat up with a jolt, his head snapping towards me. ‘Misun! You’re awake!’ he yelled out as he quickly scrambled off his chair and came to sit on the bed. His smile disappeared as he looked at me.
‘Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you in pain?’ he asked, his voice full of concern.
‘I’m…I’m fine,’ I stuttered out. He frowned, clearly not convinced as he reached forward and cupped my face.
‘Are you sure? I can go get the doctor if you’re in pain. Are you sure nowhere is hurting you?’ he asked as he wiped my tears away with his thumbs.
‘I’m okay Jungkook, I just… I had a nightmare and I…I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sorry for waking you up,’ I mumbled.
‘Hey,’ he said as he squeezed my face harder, ‘you never need to apologize to me for coming to me when you need me,’ he said as he pulled me into a hug.
My breath came out shaky as I held onto his shirt. I could not control myself as I cried into his chest – all of my emotions coming out – the fear of being closed to dying, the hurt of remembering my past, the pain that came with those memories.
‘Shh it’s okay princess, it’s going to be all okay,’ Jungkook comforted as he rubbed my back up and down. ‘Do you want me to sing for you?’ he asked. I nodded against his chest as he began to sing.
I gasped slightly as I heard his voice. I never realized what a beautiful voice he had. It was soft and melodic…almost as if it was an angel singing and not him. It filled me with peace and warmth – along with his arms that made me feel secure and safe. He finished the song and I pulled slightly away to look at his face. He had a certain blush to his cheeks as he looked slightly away.
‘Wah that was beautiful Jungkook-ah,’ I said. He smiled as he reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
‘Are you feeling better now?’ he asked. I nodded as I smiled. ‘Do you want to talk about it? Or, well, anything I guess,’ he said.
‘There’s so much,’ I mumbled but he chuckled slightly. ‘What?’ I asked as I tilted my head and looked at him.
‘Well I’m not in a hurry so you can take all night,’ he said. I shook my head and smiled but decided to tell him.
‘Okay. So, um, you know that I lost my parents when I was thirteen and then I lived with my grandparents,’ I said and he nodded.
‘Just that. You never gave us any um details and we never asked. I guess we all thought you needed your own time to say,’ he said and I nodded.
‘Um so my parents were both doctors. They were incredible at what they did and they helped so many people,’ I said as I felt my bottom lip start to tremble. I had not talked about my parents in such a long time.
Jungkook seemed to notice as he grabbed one of my hands and held it in his. ‘They sound incredible,’ he said.
‘They were. Contrary to what my grandparents believed, they did not care about money. They did not become doctors for the status or the fame or the money but because they genuinely wanted to help people,’ I explained.
‘They often went on voluntary programs, like for some weeks or a month or two. Sometimes I would go with them if it’s during summer and sometimes they would leave me with my grandparents. I missed them but I knew they were helping poor people so I was okay with it,’ I said.
‘You were quite mature and understanding for your age Misun-ah. I’m sure they were proud of you,’ he said and I smiled.
‘They were. At least that’s what they always said. They always encouraged me to chase my own dreams, even that of becoming a cop,’ I said. ‘Anyways, one time, they were in some remote place. There was a terrible earthquake. They survived that, but not the aftershock that followed the next day. They were helping people that had gotten injured,’ I explained.
‘I’m so sorry to hear that,’ Jungkook said as he squeezed my hand. I smiled and shrugged.
‘I’m okay with it. I’m proud of them, even if they left me. They died while being brave and kind. I don’t know if they were scared of dying but they faced it head on,’ I explained.
‘Still, it must have been tough for you. You were just entering the teenage years,’ he said and I nodded.
‘It was really difficult. I was close with them and all of a sudden, I lost both of them and so unexpectedly. I was forced to live with my grandparents who were nothing like them. They were greedy for money, strict and disciplined. I… I was turned into their maid and they laughed in my face whenever I said I wanted to become a cop. They called me dumb because I was choosing a dangerous career that did not give any financial profit. I was nothing to them, except some responsibility that was shoved onto them,’ I explained.
‘Oh Misun-ah,’ Jungkook exclaimed as he came even closer to me and hugged me. ‘I didn’t realize your family wasn’t supportive of your choices,’ he said.
‘I left when I was eighteen. It was tough but I was chasing my dreams and not someone else’s. As for Katerina, me and her used to go to the same school. She was the typical rich, popular girl but truth was, except for her clique nobody really liked her. I was the nerd and freak, but I was true so in all honesty, I had more real friends than her and she hated it. She was just another bully,’ I explained.
‘Well she’s going to get what she deserves princess. I’ll make sure of it, and if I can’t, I’m sure Yoongi-hyung’s wife will,’ he said.
‘Kooks can I ask you a question?’ I asked and he nodded.
‘Sure, go ahead princess,’ he said. I sighed, unsure of how to phrase the question.
‘Earlier, when I was between conscious and not, I heard you say you can’t lose me too. What did you mean?’ I asked.
Instantly, I felt him tense up and I began to regret asking him. He gulped, loudly as he looked down before he looked back at me.
‘You don’t have to answer Kooks. I know it might be person but—’ I said but he shook his head.
‘I lost my partner,’ he said, making me gasp a little. This time, I was the one tilting my head, trying to show him I was ready to listen. ‘When I “graduated” from the police academy, I was given a partner. She was older than me by a couple of years but she was an amazing cop. Actually, you remind me of her a lot – strong, driven, hard-working, kick-ass and smart and fearless,’ he said with a smile.
‘Hmm, I’m not sure I have all those traits. Anyways, continue I said.
‘One day, we were working a gang related case when we got caught. We were taken to a warehouse and we were tied down to chairs. They beat us, demanding information but it was more about pleasure. They hurt her even more just because they were sexist *s. They kept saying how a woman’s place is not on the force. I could not do anything to help her,’ he said.
‘I’m sure if you could, you would have Kooks,’ I said and he nodded.
‘They shot her, once but they left us there. I watched her die Misun. I saw the light in her eyes go dark as she took her final breaths while I could not do anything at all. They found me, two days later, barely alive but by some miracle I had made it,’ he explained as his tears fell down.
‘I’m sorry for your loss Kooks,’ I said as this time, I reached for his tears and wiped them away.
‘As soon as I got better, I buried myself into work. I preferred working on my own and did not stop until I caught ever one of those pieces of *s that killed her,’ he said, some of his anger resurfacing.
‘Are they still in jail?’ I asked and he nodded. ‘Good,’ I mumbled, knowing I harboured a certain hatred for them for hurting my Jungkook.
‘This team, it’s the first time since that time that I felt I belonged. The team members, they feel like family but you – it’s something more. You’re not just my team member or team leader, you’re my partner. When I saw you on the ground, I felt so terrified that I was going to lose you too and I can’t, I can’t go through that again,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry. I promise to try and be more careful,’ I said and he smiled.
‘And I promise to have your back better,’ he said but I shook my head.
‘In the few weeks we’ve been a team, you’ve driven me bonkers but you’ve always had my back,’ I said. He smiled but said nothing. ‘For the record, although I’m saddened by your partner’s passing, I’m glad you survived. I’m glad you got better and I’m glad you chose to accept to be part of our team. Most of all, I’m glad you’re my partner,’ I said.
‘I’m glad you’re mine,’ he said as he squeezed my hand one more time. ‘You’re cold,’ he complained as he looked at me.
I smiled and nodded, ‘Yeah. I’m actually freezing,’ I admitted. He frowned before he pushed me slightly and then brought his whole body on the bed. He manoeuvred his way under the blanket and wrapped his arms around me.
‘I’ll keep you warm so you can sleep. You’ve had long and rough hours and your body took a toll, so rest,’ he said.
‘Can you promise me you won’t leave?’ I asked. He nodded as he kissed my forehead.
‘I’ll always stay by your side, princess,’ he said. I smiled, actually starting to like the nickname. I snuggled into his chest as he tightened his grip around me. I could hear his hear beat as I felt sleep slowly take over.
